I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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