Come see our sink grown plant.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
