Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize