also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
FUCK WHALES
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
