Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
