Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
