Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
