she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
do nipples grow back?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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