Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize