Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
