I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
