If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
