no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
