Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
