I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
