so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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