the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
only you would photoshop your dick
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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