Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
