i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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