i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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