tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
