when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
