Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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