He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
