On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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