you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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