Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
