I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I FOUND THE LEGS
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
