so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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