We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
