Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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