is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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