I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
