just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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