I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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