areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
