The maid of honor just puked.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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