I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
