Need sex. Gaining weight.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize