I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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