mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize