did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
