She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
