Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
