I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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