he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
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