the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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