Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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