You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
