Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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