his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
