my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
