Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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