We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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