we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
