dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
