and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
