We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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