I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
