that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
