Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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