Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
