Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize