There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
We smell like vodka and hangover
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