I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I faked an abortion last night.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
