I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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