I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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