just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
