So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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