She said her name was "party"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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